There are coffee rings on my desk. I could use a coaster, so there aren’t any stains. I should use a coaster. I could hold onto my cup so it doesn’t touch the table at all. I could also put the coaster over my previous rings, pretending they didn’t happen.
I’ve made lots of mistakes. But there aren’t always drink coasters to place over them, so I have to live with them. Like misspelling a word, in front of everyone. Or chewing a piece of gum, spitting it out, drinking some water, then starting a new piece of gum. Or not having the right amount of change ready when I go to pay for something. These are mistakes I live with. However, there is one mistake I make over and over, that I refuse to live with any longer.
You can never know the last moment of something. It could be anything. Such as not knowing it will be the last time you will see someone's dog. You never know when your pen has run out of ink, until it is too late. You will never know the last time you see someone. You can never truly tell when your nose will be normal, and not sniffly or blocked. And you will never know your last words. I hope my last words are bittersweet.
I’ve learnt to stop counting seconds, to stop dreading the end. Just like I’ve stopped trying to predict film endings. It’s a bad habit. Every frame is a painting and it is our job to appreciate the portraits, landscapes, longshots, montages and cuts that directors put before us. So now, I relish in every second I pet a dog. I will draw and write with every fiber of my essence, until my hand is cramped. I luxuriate in every second I see my friends and I go out to smell flowers when my nose finally decides to cooperate with me.
So, slowly, very slowly, I will drink my coffee, instead of worrying when the cup will be empty. I enjoy my coffee, regardless of the rings and stains on my desk. I take mine with two sugars and splash of milk. I always use a cup my grandfather made, because I know how much he likes his coffee. I crave my early morning dirt water.
It tastes… bittersweet.
Photo credit 📷 Nao Triponez